Funny

Tee Times Europe Golf – True Story from David Feherty

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Tee Times Europe Golf - True Story from David Feherty

Tee Times Europe Golf – True Story from David Feherty

Tee Times Europe Golf – True Story from David Feherty

(Contribution from Chez Carlos Golf Society member Doug S.)

David Feherty does a stand-up show that is quite spectacular.  It’s all about his life in golf, the drinking and lots of stories about life on the tour. Here’s one of his stories:

It was back in the 70s and a soon-to-be prominent golfer (Ray Floyd) was playing at Augusta for his first Masters. Back then the players could not bring their own caddies but had to use one of the locals. Floyd told the caddy master he wanted a big fellow who could handle his bag, but who also would keep quiet, no advice needed.

The caddy who was assigned Floyd said, “Hello Mr. ………..”.

Floyd said “Hello.” And followed that with, “That’s the last I want to hear from you.”

Everything went well until the 10th hole when Floyd pushed his drive into the right trees on the par 4. After surveying the scene he said out loud, “I’m going to hit a low fade out through that opening to carry and land mid green and then roll over the crest down near the hole.”

Surprisingly he pulled it off exactly and turned to his caddy and said, “How’s that?”

The caddy spoke for the first time and said, “That wasn’t your ball.”

:-)

Courtesy of: Tee Times Golf Agency – Your Best Partner in Portugal & Spain! We work, you play and have fun with peace of mind. Call us at +351 289 300 680 for any enquiry or free quote.

Sign posted at a golf club in Scotland

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Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland.

1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4,STAY OUT OF THE WATER
5. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
6. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU
7.DON’T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
8.QUIET PLEASE…WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
9.DON’T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

10. WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE,
AND TEE OFF

Did I read that sign right?
In an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER……. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

 

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer’s field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK).

Wales it is

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Earn £48k As A Lap Dancer, Careers Advisers Say

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The “aspirational career opportunities” were featured on the Business Wales website, where those interested in moving into the industry were told they could command an average of £232 an evening – an annual income of between £24,000 and £48,000.

Users interested in setting up escort agencies were advised “the escorts provide companionship to the client when attending events such as a formal dinner or the theatre”.

The factsheet went on to explain clients typically included single businessmen and women who hired an escort to “accompany” them to events and holidays.

It said: “Escort agencies usually have several escorts on their books. Agencies charge escorts an ‘introduction fee’ of between 25% and 55% of what the client pays to the escort.”

The guide pointed out it was an offence for an agency to “incite escorts to act as prostitutes” but went on to provide links to websites offering “transsexual post-operation and submissive escorts”.

Carwyn Jones, the First Minister of Wales, has now launched an investigation into the gaffe.

Plaid Cymru AM Jocelyn Davies said: “I’m certainly not a prude but it is hard to understand how the Welsh Government can believe it is acceptable to provide information to help women become strippers or run a lap dancing club, which is classed as a sex establishment.

“While jobs are difficult to find and money is tight, should the Welsh Government be effectively facilitating these activities by putting information on their website?

“Stripping is degrading for women and the Welsh Government should not the promoting the view that sexually exploitative work is an acceptable career.”

Her remarks were echoed by Lib Dem Eluned Parrott and Welsh Conservative leader Andrew RT Davies.

Miss Parrott said: “These are perfectly legitimate businesses. However, I was very surprised to learn that these factsheets are offered to young people via a link on the Welsh Government’s Big Ideas Wales website which is aimed specifically at youth entrepreneurs.

“The adult entertainment industry is just that – a field that is appropriate for adults, but not one that should be marketed as an aspirational career opportunity to potentially vulnerable young people.”

by Fraser Graham (member of Chez Carlos Golf Society)