Physical Examination

During my physical examination, my doctor asked me about my physical activity level.
I described a typical day this way:

‘Well, yesterday afternoon, I took a five hour walk, about 6 miles, through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I avoided standing on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I took a few ‘leaks’ behind some big trees. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank eight beers’.

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, ‘You must be one hell of an outdoors man!’

‘No,’ I replied, ‘I’m just a shit golfer.’

BOB HOPE IN HEAVEN

For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your Grandparents.
And thanks for the memories.
I HOPE THIS WILL PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART.
Tribute to a man who DID make a difference.

ON TURNING 70
‘I still chase women, but only downhill’.

ON TURNING 80
‘That’s the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.’

ON TURNING 90
‘You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.’

ON TURNING 100
‘I don’t feel old. In fact, I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.’

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
‘I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.’

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
‘Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it’s called at my home, ‘Passover’.

ON GOLF
‘Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.’

ON PRESIDENTS
‘I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.’

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
‘When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
‘I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.’

ON HIS FAMILY’S EARLY POVERTY
‘Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.’

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
‘That’s how I learned to dance, Waiting for the bathroom.’

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
‘I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn’t for the stuff the audience threw at me.’

ON GOING TO HEAVEN
‘I’ve done benefits for ALL religions. I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.’

Give me a sense of humor;
Lord, give me the grace to see a joke,
to get some humour out of life,

Quinta Da Ria – Saturday, 28th July 2012 – Weekly Competition

It has been been nearly three years ago since the Algarve Golf Society has played Quinta Da Ria. A course designed by the famous golf architect Rocky Roquemore famed for such classics as San Lorenzo, Quinta Da Lago (North) & Vale Do Lobo Royal. His trademarks are all here on Ria; open fairways, abundant bunkers and large contoured rolling greens. It is easy on foot and a delight on the eye with no on course construction and the back nine holes tracking the outer boundary with fabulous coastal views giving way to sweet smelling orange groves. The course was in fine form though the greens would have benefitted from a good cut and roll. The centrally located clubhouse with a large open terrace area is great place to meet for pre and post game drinks. It also doubles up as a clubhouse for its sister course Quinta Da Cima which is to its side – another one well worth a visit and shall be on our calendar very soon.

Afterwards it was another turn from our ‘Experience’ series with a visit to a local portuguese cafe / restaurant on the seafront at Olhão. Fresh prawns and crabs is the speciality here at this important fishing port city. Olhão takes his name from a big natural water fountain, an ‘eye of water’, like the locals call it (Olhão means Big Eye). The Olhaneses (inhabitants of Olhão) are more notorious for the trip to Brazil, in a small fishing boat (60-65 ft) with 17 fisherman, that, without maps or any guiding tools (but the stars), went to warn King John VI, who was exiled in that country, that the French had been defeated and banished from Portugal.

Our thanks to Eve Koch for the co-ordination of another great ‘Experience’. Watch out for the next one mid- august this time coinciding with the sardine festival in Portimao.

1st: Patricia Dorig (h/cap 33): 36pts
2nd: Fraser Graham (h/cap 8): 35pts (b/9: 18pts)
3rd: Trevor Maw (h/cap 12): 35pts (b/9: 16pts)

Nearest The Pin (17th): Eithne McMahon